New Book Focuses on Quarrels by Couples

April 14, 2019
By Wang RuEditor: Sandy Zhu
Blue and Li took part in a sharing meeting about the book on Mar 21 in Beijing.[Photo provided to chinadaily.com.cn]

 

Some people may advise couples not to quarrel, since it does harm to their relationship. But counselor couple Judith Wright and Bob Wright encourage "effective" quarrels between couples to promote the development of their relationship in their new book The Heart of the Fight.

Philip Blue, a psychologyl major who completed his PhD at Peking University and Li Zhen, better known as Jian Lili, the founder and CEO of Jiandan Xinli (My Therapist, or easy therapy), an online platform for psychological consultation, took part in a meeting about the book recently in Beijing.

According to Blue, conflict comes from prejudice, and prejudice comes from people's refusal to show their discontentment. Therefore, "remaining true to yourself is better than making compromises easily". Li also says cold violence is worse than quarrels. And they both agree with the Wright couple's idea that "effective" quarrels are beneficial.
 

Li spoke at a sharing meeting about the book on Mar 21 in Beijing.[Photo provided to chinadaily.com.cn]

 
Blue classified common quarrels between couples into 15 types, including evading one's responsibilities, household chores and psychological problems influenced by original family.

Li also believes that the quarrels are because there are inner desires that have not been satisfied.

"Therefore, quarrels help to dig out the desires and couples can develop new ways of getting on with each other based on their discoveries," says Li.

The Wright couple also provide six techniques and analyze them in their book to tell people how to "effectively" quarrel. And through the further elaboration by Blue and Li, people get to know that a quarrel itself is not beneficial, but understanding the reason for it and promoting understanding between each other is helpful for relationship.

(Source: chinadaily.com.cn)

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