Young Marriage Mediators Save Breaking-up Families

The young marriage mediators handle family disputes in the marriage counseling office of the Lucheng District Bureau of Civil Affairs in Wenzhou City, east China's Zhejiang Province. [66wz.com]

A group of young marriage mediators born in the 1990s, who aren't yet married themselves, are busy handling divorce cases to persuade estranged couples to reconcile and save broken families in Wenzhou City, east China's Zhejiang Province.

About half a year ago, a marriage counseling office was established in the Lucheng District Bureau of Civil Affairs in Wenzhou City, with volunteers from a local social service center providing free psychological consultation and legal services to couples who came to the bureau planning to get divorced.

During the past half year, young volunteers have been actively involved in divorce mediation for more than 500 couples and saved more than 40 families from breaking up.

Figuring out the Problems of Estranged Couples

"Please come here and have a cup of tea. Let's have a talk. You might come round to a solution when you talk your dispute out," says 24-year-old Li Xu every time he invites estranged couples to the marriage counseling office next door to the divorce registry.

Many couples come to dissolve their marriage suddenly and impulsively, though they may not want to get divorced in their hearts, said Li.

The moment they sign the divorce agreement, some couples may even fight, claiming their personalities are not suitable for each other, but in the eyes of marriage mediators, they are reluctant to swallow their pride and make apologies.

Because it's not required that couples who plan on divorcing must receive marriage mediation, marriage mediators should first seek agreements from the parties involved. When estranged couples queue up for divorce registration, marriage mediators chat with them in the name of legal services in an attempt to invite them to the marriage counseling office.

However, marriage mediators are often misunderstood and endure sideways glances. Despite that, these young marriage mediators still walk forward to ask for their agreements. Gradually, every mediator has become sharp-eyed and able to figure out what estranged couples have on their minds.

"If we see they are acting impulsively, we will persuade them to calm down and then make a decision," said Li.

One day this April, a resident called He took his wife and two children to the divorce registry and queued up to sign the divorce agreement, during which He and his wife argued louder and louder.

Li, who observed them, learned that their problem lay in that the wife was too strong. "Why not clam down and have a cup of tea next door?" asked Li.

By his persuasion, the couple sat down and complained to him. More than two hours later, they made a decision to put off their divorce.

"I just wanted to create an opportunity for the couple to speak out about what weighs on their minds. They decided not to get divorced, probably considering their two crying children," explained Li.

Reminding Estranged Couples of Romantic Weddings

Some people say the post-1990 marriage mediators are too young to understand marriage and they make mere 'paper talk.'

However, these young marriage mediators have proved their capability with their results: since the marriage counseling office was set up six months ago, they have provided free psychological consultation and legal services for more than 500 couples and practiced marriage mediation for more than 260 couples with more than 40 couples having delayed their divorce decision.

Obviously, the young marriage mediators have a way with their 'paper talk.' They talk with estranged couples about family disputes with different strategies in accordance with their ages.

Gao Honglin is a cheerful 23-year-old marriage mediator. While other marriage mediators usually talk about realistic things with estranged couples, Gao adopts a different mediation method by placing emphasis on emotions.

One month ago, Gao succeeded in persuading an estranged couple to reconcile. Her method was very simple. She asked the couple to talk about their romantic moments at the wedding, their happy marriage life and how they arrived on the edge of divorce, figuring out the real reason for their emotional changes themselves.

Treating Marriage Seriously

These young marriage mediators have generated negative feelings about marriage, since they deal with estranged couples with various family disputes, such as the disharmonious relations between mothers and daughters-in-law and extramarital affairs.

A marriage mediator confessed that many of them are afraid of marriage.

"It might be an occupational hazard," said Li. Many of his classmates, who are engaged in occupations similar to his, generate a kind of distrust towards marriage, since they witness so many divorces.

Li admitted that he has such a fear of marriage, but he also stated that such an occupational disease may not be a bad thing, for it gets him to think a lot about the responsibilities in marriage and treat it seriously rather then getting married on a romantic whim.

(Source: 66wz.com/Translated and edited by Women of China)